Wasted
by tjmack
Summary: After three years, Sarah Walker finally gets what she truly wants, Chuck Bartowski. Between Daniel Shaw and the intersect, she may lose the one person she cares for most in the world.
1. Devastation

Wasted

Summary: After three years, Sarah Walker finally gets what she truly wants, Chuck Bartowski. Between Daniel Shaw and the intersect, she may lose the one person she cares for most in the world.

**A/N: For any of you that read my one-shot So Long, Goodbye, this is the longer FF that I was talking about. I want to thank Bad Seed for beta'ing this bad boy for me. I can be a little-over critical of what I write. Normally I hate just about everything I write-and am often called my own worst critic, so just hang with me and judge the story yourself. Typically I'm told I'm wrong on my writing but *shrugs* I usually still think it's awful. **

**Also, just another side-note. I also have another Chuck FF idea. I'm gonna kinda hash out the storyline for a bit though. If I decide to write it, it'll take place at the beginning of season three and will be a kind of AU verision kind of like "What if Chuck had ran away with Sarah in Prague thing" I will also be introducing a new character that I thought up all on my own-or well sort of.**

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Chapter One: Devastation

Sarah watched in awe as Chuck sauntered into the Buy More. Gun in one hand, raised at Shaw, ready to shoot if the need arises. He walked halfway up the aisle, a look of pure hatred etched on his face.

"A gun fight? Is that what you really want?"

Chuck raised an eyebrow, as he let the gun hang out of his hand. Shaw shifted toward Chuck only slightly.

"You have one good flash left?"

The cockiness in Shaw's voice made Sarah sick to her stomach. She knew that Chuck didn't have one more flash in him. She knew that he was teetering on the edge of losing his mind to the intersect, and yet she knew there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it.

Shaw had handcuffed her to the Nerd Herd reception desk. The desk where she had first met Chuck. The desk in which she had stood numerous times, thinking about what a wonderful guy Chuck was, and eventually thinking about how in love with him she was. Because it had taken her so long to finally admit her feelings to him, to finally get over her fear of feeling and give her heart to him, she might not ever get a chance to actually be with him.

"Saved the best for last."

Sarah glanced up in time to watch, almost as if in slow motion, Chuck fling his gun to the right, clattering into the aisle. She watched his eyes, and saw him flash, before he bent over double, gripping his temples between his fingers. She knew that Shaw would take advantage of Chuck's worsened condition. Thinking quickly, she started tugging at the cuffs that bound her wrists to the desk. Wishing, praying that Casey would get here quicker. That he'd come in and take Shaw out before something bad happened to Chuck.

"We're waiting Chuck."

How she could even remotely think that she ever had anything that resembled feelings for Shaw made bile slowly rise in her throat. The fact he could turn his back so quickly on his country filled her with anger.

Then Shaw slowly started his advance on Chuck, who was now standing straight up, his fists held in front of his face. He looked ready to fight, but she knew that the nerd wasn't as ready as he appeared to be. Quicker than she thought was possible, Shaw took off running toward Chuck, who reacted just as quickly and slid under Shaw's legs. As soon as he stood up, Chuck tried to kick Shaw in the face. Unfortunately he didn't connect. Shaw countered with a kick of his own that Chuck quickly ducked. Chuck went for a punch that was blocked, and almost just as quickly Shaw went for his own punch, which Chuck blocked easily.

Sarah took her eyes off the fight for a moment, yanking at the cuffs that bound her hands to the reception desk. Hoping—praying that she could pry herself from it and help Chuck out. Her head jerked back up when she heard Chuck groan out in pain, and saw that Shaw's knee had made contact with his stomach, and then his elbow connected with his face sending Chuck backward into one of the Buy More's aisle-ways. Back on defense, Chuck blocked a few of Shaw's punches and connected a kick to Shaw's stomach. Unfortunately Chuck's momentum didn't last, as Shaw roared back and connected with combo that sent Chuck flying backward.

Sarah grimaced when Shaw landed a kick to Chuck's face that sent him flying to the floor.

"Please stop it Shaw!"

She knew begging wouldn't get her anywhere. Shaw was far too gone, plus all he really wanted was to torture Chuck before killing him.

Even though he said that he wanted to kill her too, Sarah knew that he would much rather settle for killing Chuck and leaving her to deal with his death. Letting her know that it was her fault that he was dead. That if she hadn't killed his wife then he wouldn't have killed her Chuck.

Watching in horror as Shaw attempted to knee Chuck in the face, yet Chuck was able to block the move and shove Shaw into the aisle end-cap. His offense didn't last long as Shaw shoved him away, grabbed what looked like a large piece of metal and swung it at Chuck's face, the metal connecting with a sickening thud.

Gasping, she watched as Chuck flew over the Nerd Herd desk and land directly in front of her.

"Shaw stop this!"

This wasn't a plead, this was a threat. She promised herself in that moment that if anything happened to Chuck because of Shaw that she would personally kill him. She watched, as she yanked over and over on the handcuffs, Shaw stand over Chuck who was now unconscious.

"Poor Chuck. This fight could have been so much more. Could have been _epic_. Then again, I always knew you were useless Bartowski. It's funny how you think you got the girl. Did you ever think that maybe Sarah was only with you out of pity? That she was just sad to watch you try and fail so many times at trying to be the hero that you'll never be? The spy you were never capable of being? Now Chuck, you must die."

Shaw raised the piece of metal in his hand above his head. Sarah forced her eyes to close, unable to just sit there and watch the man she loved die. That's when she heard the familiar sound of gunfire. Of a bullet ripping through skin. Shaw didn't have a gun though. He had dropped his gun. She opened her eyes and stared on in shock. Morgan stood in the middle of the aisle, Chuck's gun held firmly in his grasp.

"Morgan?"

"I couldn't let him kill Chuck. Did I-?"

"Wow Grimes, didn't think you had it in you."

Sarah sighed when she saw Casey poke his head around the corner.

"Sorry, got here as fast as I could-"

"Just uncuff me and get an ambulance here."

Casey shook his head in acknowledgment, before bending over Shaw's lifeless body. Fishing his key's from his pocket, he stooped in front of Sarah, and uncuffed her hands. He stood back up and backed away from Sarah, as she placed a hand on Chuck's face. He'd never admit it to anyone, but the scene broke his heart a little bit. The thought that Chuck might be gone was almost more than he could bear.

"Please just tell me he's okay," Morgan sounded almost near tears, as he moved to stand a little closer to Casey.

"He's breathing...Chuck, please wake up," Sarah closed her eyes as tears filled them. She felt as one slipped down her cheek.

"Sarah, the paramedics are here."

Sarah nodded, but wasn't capable of moving. It was almost as if she had become immobilized, almost paralyzed by the thought that she could lose Chuck. The man that had risked his life to save hers. The man that had loved her for so long. The one that she loved so very much. She felt like kicking herself for taking so long to tell him how she felt. For waiting so long to give over her heart. She felt as Casey pulled her away from Chuck's lifeless body, but wasn't even aware that she was now standing, staring down at him. He looked so peaceful...too peaceful.

"He's got a pulse..but he's unresponsive. We have to get him to the hospital now," one of the paramedics stated.

She watched in stunned silence as they loaded him onto a gurney and wheeled him away from her. She looked over at Casey's still form, unshed tears in her eyes.

"Please tell me that he'll make it."

"I can't promise you that Sarah...I'm sorry."

That was the second time in a day that Casey had called her by her first name. Without a second thought she threw herself into his chest as tears fell from her eyes. Today was full of things she never thought she'd see...hear..or even be possible. Then again, today...tomorrow...or the next day could be her last with Chuck. That was something that she never allowed herself to think about...allowed herself to imagine could be possible.


	2. Failure

**A/N: I want to thank Bad Seed for beta'ing this for me...Oh yeah..I don't own chuck or the characters...blah blah blah...*wishes that she did own Chuck and the characters* :) Enjoy! Oh and Reviews make me so very happy and make me write faster...I swear it's true!**

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Chapter Two: Failure

Sitting, with her head in hands she realized that she had failed Chuck. After all these years of doing everything humanly possible to protect him, she let her guard down and now he might die because of her mistake. Giving herself...her heart over to Chuck had been one of the hardest things that she's ever had to do, and yet it was the best decision that she could have ever made.

Sarah had always known her heart would be safe with Chuck, that he'd take good care of it. It was herself she didn't trust with his heart, even after being around him long enough that she could feel the differences in herself. That she had become more trusting and even if only a little more open with the people around her.

Carina had been right when she said that spies didn't fall in love. In this world, the spy world, it was far too dangerous. To feel anything for another person only got you killed.

Look what it did to Chuck.

Sarah wiped angrily at her eyes as the tears slid down her cheeks without her permission. Chuck wouldn't want her weepy. He'd want her fighting for him. Helping him pull through.

"How you holding up?"

Her head jerked up in the general direction of the hard edged baritone voice of John Casey. He stood, his shoulder up against the door-frame of the interrogation room that she had practically locked herself in. The place was reserved for the scum of the Earth, and right now, in this very moment, that is what she was, or at least how she felt.

"How do I look like I'm holding up?" The question came off in a sharp, quick, sarcastic tone that Sarah hadn't exactly meant it too.

Casey had been a pretty good friend to her, and one of the best partner's she'd ever had. Even if he was a hard ass, and constantly ridiculed Chuck, she knew that Casey cared about Chuck just as much as she did. Obviously not in the same way, but just as much. Over time Chuck had went from being an asset that he had to protect, to a real friend. Maybe even Casey's first actual real friend.

"I know it's hard..."

"How would you know that Casey? Have you lost someone like that? Did you ever have to sit useless as you watched the person that you love the most in this world get the life beaten out of them?"

"No...but I have watched my fair share of people die. People that I've cared about. People, men, whose lives I was responsible for. You don't think that was hard on me? It was hard every time. I didn't get the chance to sit around and pout about it though. I had to just get over it, and go right back to work and keep the rest of my men alive."

"I'm sorry..." She sighed, and let her head fall against the table. It would be so easy to just give up, give into the feeling that her life, as she knew it—and loved it, was over.

"Sarah..."

"How is he."

She couldn't handle Casey going soft on her. It would just bring the tears again, and that would make her feel even more useless than she already felt. It was bad enough that she just sat there, handcuffed to the reception desk, and watched Shaw pummel Chuck to...

"Alive but unconscious. General Beckman is calling in Dr. Dreyfus.."

"She thinks it's the intersect doesn't she?"

"It appears to be the only option left. His attending has run numerous tests. Besides some bumps and bruises...or well a lot of bumps and bruises, there isn't technically anything medically wrong to cause him to be unconscious still."

"What about the Governor? You got it off of Shaw's body before they took it...didn't you?"

"Of course. I snatched it up right after you told me about it. The General didn't want me to put it on him just yet. She wants the good doctor to examine him. See if there is anything that he can do to-fix Chuck."

Sarah raised her head up and looked at Casey. It was the first time since the Shaw incident that he's had a chance to really see her. Her skin was a pale, pasty white color, and held what appeared to be a permanent sheen of sweat. Her usually bright blue eyes were now dull, dingy and bloodshot. The purple circles under her eyes proved that she hadn't slept in the three days that it's been since Chuck has been in the hospital.

"Casey I cannot go back to life without him. He has to be okay. He has to wake up."

"If it helps, Ellie is hopeful. I mean, she's a doctor—then again her knowledge doesn't really flow over into the intersect. She's been asking about you."

"I can't...I just can't face her," Shaking her head, she stood up and walked out the of interrogation room for the first time all day, "Don't follow me...please."

Casey watched in shocked awe, as she dropped her head and walked down the hallway and disappeared. He knew that she hadn't been in a good place since the incident, but to actually see her broke his heart. For someone so strong, she broke down so easily.

Standing in front of doctor Dreyfus's home, Sarah thought back on the last time she stood in this position. It had been the same, and yet so very different. She had come to beg him to do anything—something to help Chuck. To save him from himself. It had been the first time she had actually said the three words that she had known to be true for quite some time. The three words that she had denied for far too long. Standing on Doctor Dreyfus's front step, begging for his help, she had told him that she loved Chuck.

It broke her heart now to think that the first person she said those three words too were not Chuck, even if they were said toward him. It was because of the doctor that she finally got the nerve to actually tell Chuck that she loved him. That he was all she could think of, that all she can imagine anymore was a future with him. A future that she had once hoped involved one day becoming his wife.

A future that was now slowly slipping from her grasp.

Taking a slow, calming deep breath Sarah raised her hand and proceeded to knock on the doctor's front door. She didn't quite care that it was getting late, and that he was probably already in bed. None of that mattered right now. The only thing that mattered was fixing Chuck. Bringing him back from oblivion.

"Ummhmm. Agent Walker...correct?"

Sarah hadn't even noticed that the front door had opened and that the doctor stood in front of her in much the same attire that he had the last time she paid him a visit. The red robe hung loosely around his tall frame, the white t-shirt and pajama pants concluded that if he wasn't already in bed, that he was well on his way to heading there.

"Yes. Doctor Dreyfus. You have to help me. You have to help Chuck."

"I plan on doing my best Agent Walker. I did plan on waiting till morning, what with it nearing eleven in the evening."

"Can I please just come in and talk with you. You can wait until morning to see him. I just—I have to feel useful at something, anything that would involve helping him. Please," she begged.

"Let me ask you question before I answer you...Did you ever tell Agent Bartowski how you felt?"

"Yes. Although I feel I waited far too long. I'm afraid of losing him. Of going back to the way my life was before Chuck."

Doctor Dreyfus shook his head, as he opened the door further, letting Sarah into his home.

"We definitely need to talk Agent Walker. I'm just not sure that we need to talk about how to fix Agent Bartowski."

Sarah looked bewilderedly at the doctor. She had never been analyzed by a psychiatrist before, and she wasn't sure if now was the right time to start.


	3. Revelations

**A/N: First off, I want to thank Bad Seed for being such an amazing beta reader!**

**I also just want this to be known. I am having an absolute blast writing this FF, and I hope that all of you are enjoy reading it! **

**I already have chapter four written and beta read...and I'm currently working on chapter five. I'm not sure how long this one's going to be, but at least hopefully ten chapters.**

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Chapter Three: Revelations

Sarah sat, her legs crossed with her hands sitting a top her knees. Her eyes darted around the room, as her nerves became apparent. She knew that Doctor Dreyfus was going to poke and prod into her past until she admitted to something that she didn't want to...even if she didn't know what it might be that he was looking for her to admit to.

"I want to start off with being honest. When I was asked to help Agent Bartowski the first time, I had asked for permission to look at the files of his surrounding team. I do know some of your past history Agent Walker. I know about your father...but what I would like to know is how that made you feel?"

"What do you mean? I was sixteen years old and I watched my father get arrested and taken away from me. I practically had to raise myself from that point on. That was when I became a CIA agent...that's why I became a CIA agent."

"Do you regret what your father was...or still is?"

"If your asking if I wished I had a normal father. A father that loved me, the answer is yes. Of course I wish that my father wasn't a con-man. That he thought of me before he thought of his next con job. That he loved me enough to say enough's enough and call it quits."

"How did you feel when you watched him get taken into CIA custody?"

"Like my life was spinning out of control...look I don't understand what any of this has to do with Chuck. He is lying in a hospital bed in a coma that no one is sure he'll come out of. All I want is to help him...I need to help him."

"I promise you Agent Walker..all of this, every last bit of this is completely relevant to Agent Bartowski. Now, details Agent Walker. How did you feel when you watched your father get taken away?"

"I don't want to answer that question. I don't see it's relevance to Chuck."

Doctor Dreyfus shook his head, as he sat back against the cushy lounge chair that he was sitting in. His arms were crossed in front of his chest, as he just let the silence of the moment envelop the room.

If there was one thing that Sarah Walker hated in this world, and there were plenty of things that she hated, it was silence. Silence for a spy was dangerous. It was something evil created to make your mind wonder, to make you think about things. With a spy, it made you think of things that you'd much rather keep hidden deep inside yourself. The look on some of the people that you've killed. The ones that you sometimes wondered if they deserved to die.

Right now, all this silence did for Sarah was make her see Chuck. His face with blood caked on it, and his closed. The far too peaceful look on his face. It only took her a minute before she realized that tears were rolling down her cheeks, as it often did in the past couple of days when she let her mind wonder to Chuck. To the night that he put his life in danger to save her.

"It hurt. It made me realize that people can't be trusted. That when you love someone, all they'll do is break your heart. I hated him for so long after that day, but more than that...I hated myself. I just sat idly by and let him get himself in deeper. Yeah, I was only sixteen, but I knew what he was doing...what he was making me do was wrong. I didn't stop him like I should have. It was as much my fault that he got arrested as it was his. I promised myself that day, after Graham recruited me, that I would never put myself in that position again. That I would never hurt like that again," she finally admitted.

"Then you met Agent Bartowski."

"I was too cocky when I went in. I didn't see him as a threat. He was a geek...a nerd. His name was Chuck for god sakes! Then I talked to him, and he was so heart-breakingly nerdy. Just like Graham had explained that he would be. Then he did something so kind and sweet that I almost forgot that I was there for a reason. That he was my mark, that he had something that the CIA wanted...needed. He helped out this poor guy who had forgotten to put a tape in for his daughter's dance recital. The little girl was so nervous, but Chuck was so sweet with her..."

Sarah sighed and she realized that she was saying...telling this doctor that she didn't even know her own life story that well. She had never admitted to anyone that she blamed herself for her father's misfortunes. She would have told Chuck, but he would have never let her blame herself.

He would have told her what anyone else would have told her. That her father made his own his choices. That he choose to be a con-man over being a father. That he loved money more than he loved his own daughter. That he deserved everything that he got from life because he took from people in such a horribly coward way.

"That's when you started to fall for him?"

"I refused to admit it to myself. I kept telling myself that he was just an asset. That we were only friends. That my job was to protect him. I might have done a damn good job of fooling myself and fooling Chuck, but I did a horrible job fooling anyone else. Everyone else knew that I loved him. Even if I could tell myself and Chuck that we were no more than friends, co-workers, everyone else could see the way I looked at him. The way I would cringe so badly whenever his life was in danger."

"Do you know why you were able to fool him so easily?"

"Because I'm convincing when I speak?"

"No Agent Walker. Because he never felt that he was worthy of you. He saw himself the same way that I'm sure a lot of other people did. The way you did when you first saw him. A nerd, a geek, someone that didn't deserve to have some so beautiful. He never felt that he had earned someone as amazing as you. That no one as beautiful as you would want anything to do with...at least romantically speaking."

"Chuck always has trouble seeing his greatness. His kindness, his big heart and the unending love that he is capable of, but most of all...how much of a hero he is. Even before he downloaded the 2.0, I always saw the hero in him. The way that he was able to push down his fear when needed, and was able to go into any situation, no matter how dangerous and do what was asked of him. On the few occasions when he put his own life in danger to protect or save me."

"Have you ever told him any of this?"

"So many times...I don't think he ever believed me. I think he thought I was just feeding him some line of bull to pump up his ego to keep the intersect working, but it was never like that. When I told him these things I meant them."

"So Agent Walker, when did you decide that Chuck was worthy of your trust...of your heart?"

"There are a few different moments that stick out the most in my mind. One of those moments was when he was willing to die to save his sister. That was the single bravest thing I've ever seen...it might have also been the single dumbest thing I've ever seen. He knew how invaluable he was to the agency, but Chuck is an honorable man. Family is the single most important thing in his life. I knew when I handed him the antidote that he would give it to Ellie instead of taking it himself. That's just who he is. I also knew that I would do everything humanly possible to ensure that he didn't die. Invaluable or not, he didn't deserve to die because he was honorable. I think that was the first time I saw him as more than just an asset...as more than just a friend. At least the first time I let myself see him in that way. I had to fight so hard that day to not blurt out the truth. To tell him that there was so much more to what we could be. Of what I wanted us to be, and I just fought it back and told myself that it was for the best."

"You broke his heart...on more than one occasion. How did that feel?"

"To see the hurt in his eyes so clearly. It broke my heart and I wanted to give up the fight. I wanted to just grab a hold of him and tell him that there was more than friendship involved...but I couldn't. The agency needed him...and General Beckman would have frowned upon me compromising him as the intersect. Rule one in spy school...never compromise your asset..."

Doctor Dreyfus shook his head in acknowledgment. "Now, let's talk about how we can help Agent Bartowski. Believe me...from what you've told me...he is going to need you. He is going to need you...his family and his friends. He needs something familiar for his mind to hold onto. Something to pull him back to his body. To fight the intersect...General Beckman informed me that there is a device that was made to control the intersect?"

"The Governor. Chuck's dad made him one before Daniel Shaw killed him. Agent Casey was able to get the device from Shaw's body before it was transferred to the morgue."

"I see...yes, he'll need that as well."

"So you think there is a chance that we can save him...that we can bring him back?"

"It is possible yes. It's going to take work..it's not going to be easy...and Agent Walker?"

"Yes."

"It's going to take cooperation from both you and his family."

Sarah sighed as she realized what his words meant. She was going to have to talk to Ellie. She was going to have to look his sister in the eye as she explains that Chuck is in a coma because he was saving her life. That she couldn't free herself fast enough to save his in return. Doctor Dreyfus was right, this wasn't going to be easy. She had only started working on letting her emotions out...and she knew that a lot of emotions were going to be involved when she spoke with Ellie. She wouldn't be surprised if that main emotion was anger.


	4. Confrontation

**A/N: Okay, so some of things in Sarah's past I kind of made up. You never hear anything about her mom, so I just sort of made up my own theory about what happened. I really like the way this came out, and I hope you all enjoy it. I already have chapter five written, but I like to stay two chapters ahead, so I don't get behind in updating. It seems to be working quite well (considering that I didn't do that for my other open stories and I've yet to update them in a month or so...)**

**I just noticed that I've been writing the wrong username for the person beta'ing this fic. I feel awful about that, and want t apologize to Bad Shot. You are most awesome in your beta'ing abilities. **

**I know the general plot-line for this story, but there are two directions I could go in, and I haven't quite decided which direction I want to go in yet. In the mean-time enjoy chapter four, and please, read and review...they make me happy :)**

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Chapter Four: Confrontation

Sarah stared at the entrance to the hospital.

She had never thought fondly of hospital's, especially given what they meant for most people. Death and despair hung in the air around the foreboding building, and she knew that the feeling would be worse upon entering.

Taking a deep breath, she entered the building and was nearly knocked back by the overwhelming scent of antiseptic. The, 'way too clean' smell was almost the worse thing about hospital's. Nearly as bad as the waiting.

Patience had never been an attribute that Sarah knew how to use well. She was not a patient woman, and knowing that, the waiting and hoping that Chuck would wake up was more than she could take. The overwhelming despair that pretty much ran her life since the Shaw incident was making it's usual comeback, only at a much quicker and stronger rate.

Stopping at the information desk in the front lobby of the hospital Sarah forced a smile, and made it seem like she was happy to be here, even if she'd rather sit in Castle and mope around with her 'lady feelings,' as Casey would say, hanging out.

She'd practically been living at Castle, unable to walk into the apartment that she shared with Chuck and Morgan, knowing that Chuck wasn't there. Knowing that no one was there to hold her at night. That she would wake up alone in a cold and lonely bed, without a good morning kiss.

"Could you tell me what room Charles Bartowski is in please?"

"Hmmm, let me look it up for you Miss."

The short, round woman stood up from her seat and walked to the computer in the corner of the small room space. After typing on the keyboard for a few moments the young nurse returned, a polite smile on her face.

"Are you a family member Ma'am?"

"I'm his girlfriend."

"Oh, okay, that is quite alright. He's in I.C.U, it's on the fourth floor. His room number is four nineteen. If you need any further directions, as soon as you come off the elevator there is a nurse's station. Just ask for room four nineteen."

"Thank you..." Sarah paused for a moment to read the nurse's name-tag before continuing. "Leann."

"You are quite welcome Ma'am."

Sarah offered her a polite nod, along with a forced smile and made her way for the elevator. It was about this time that she wished she had done an extensive search of the parking lot before coming into the building. She knew that she had to talk to Ellie, but she wasn't about to have that conversation in a hospital, near Chuck. Not if Doctor Dreyfus thought that hearing his family and friend's voices would help him. That hearing that people loved him and needed him would help bring him back to them. Hearing Ellie yell at her for hurting Chuck would obviously not help him in anyway.

When the elevator dinged to tell her she had arrived at her destination, she knew that it was too late to turn back now. Part of her wanted too though. That part wanted to ride the elevator back to the ground floor and run as hard and fast as she could in the opposite direction.

Instead, she stepped out of the elevator and looked to her right and left, observing the room numbers on either side of her. After deciding that Chuck's room had to be on the left-hand side, she made her way in that general direction. Her mind a million miles away, picturing the talk that she had to have with Ellie. Each time she did it got that much more dramatic. Each time it ended the same way. With Ellie slapping her face, and slamming the front door in her face.

"Hey stranger."

The deep voice brought her out of her mental query. She looked up and met the eyes of the handsome Devon Woodcomb, or as most people knew him Captain Awesome.

"Hi Devon."

She could feel her blood pressure rise as the anxiety sat in. She was wrong to come right now. Ellie was probably in the room with Chuck. She'd just be a burden.

"I should go. I'm sorry. I didn't know that you guys were here."

"Hey, hold on."

Devon placed a hand on Sarah's shoulder to stop her from her departure. Placing his other hand on her other shoulder, Devon turned her around so she was facing him.

"Don't be sorry. Ellie was actually just asking about you...again. She's been worried. You like...disappeared. She was afraid you were alone and depressed. No one should ever be alone and depressed. Depression does funky things to people sometimes."

"I—uh...I've been hanging out with Morgan."

The lie came easily and she hated herself for it. Her job for so long had been to lie by any means necessary to get whatever information she needed. Though at this moment it was lie by any means necessary to save herself a whole lot of heartache.

"Why are you lying to me Sarah? I mean, I know we're not exactly close, but we're all here for the same reason. We're here for Chuck. We're here to make sure my bro wakes up. Now, Morgan told us that you haven't stepped foot in the apartment since Chuck's...accident."

"I can't...and I'm sorry Devon. I'm just so used to lying it... It's almost like a second nature to me."

"So then where have you been staying? If you're having some issues with staying at the apartment, then you are more than welcome to stay at our place. We'd love to have you."

"That's sweet Devon, really, but I know that Ellie probably would rather not have to see me on a daily basis. It's fine really. I've been staying at Castle. There are some cots in the infirmary."

"I'm not sure you should be alone and isolated like that... and why do you think that Ellie wouldn't want to have you at the apartment?"

"Look, I'm not a stupid woman Devon. I know she blames me for what happened to Chuck, how can she not? I even blame me. I don't even deserve to be here right now, but I can't, not see him. I do love him Devon."

"I know you do. Hell even after I found out that Chuck was a..." He paused and looked down the hallway in both directions before leaning in toward Sarah. "Agent...that you both are. That your cover was boyfriend and girlfriend, I knew you loved him. No one looks at another person the way you look at him without having feelings for them."

"Guess I didn't do as good of a job hiding it as I thought."

"Yeah, I think you and Chuck both had the same problem with admitting your feelings. Two peas in a pod I suppose...and by the way, Ellie doesn't blame you. I'm not sure what all Chuck told her, probably more than he told me, but all I know is that she doesn't blame you. She's worried about you. You should talk to her."

"I plan on it. I just wanted to talk to him first. I feel awful that I've waited so long to come see him. It just hurts to see him so helpless."

"I understand that. It hurts me to see Ellie feel so helpless...so useless. She's a doctor, we both are. We're used to being able to fix people. The fact that she can't fix him breaks her heart."

"Breaks mine too," Sarah admitted.

Devon shook his head, and offered her a sad smile. "I'm going to try and catch my wife before she orders cafeteria food. See if I can't talk her into going out for some real food. Give you some time alone with my main man. If you need anything...and I mean anything at all, don't hesitate to call. Whether you think so or not, we're here for you. Both, me and Ellie."

"Thank you Devon."

She gave him a small, sad smile of her own, before giving him a quick hug. She watched for a moment as he walked slowly down the hallway. Taking a deep breath she turned her attention back on room in front of her. She could see Chuck laying still as can be on the hospital bed. A tube in his mouth that was assisting his breathing. She pushed the door open, and walked inside, before letting it close behind her.

She walked slowly toward the empty chair beside his bed. The machines on other side of his still frame and above his head beeped in a steady rhythm. Sitting down on the edge of the chair, and grabbing a hold of his prone hand, Sarah felt the first of the tears slip down her cheek.

"I love you Chuck." the words came so much easier with each time that she said them. It was almost a natural response now. "I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can I need to tell you a few things. You make me feel safe. You've always made me feel safe. No matter how dangerous of a situation I'm in...or we're in I feel like I'm home when I'm around you. I feel comfortable and it makes me preform better when I'm comfortable. To know that I have a _**home**_ to go to at the end of the day. That there is someone there waiting for me. Waiting to hold me, while I tell them about my day. I don't ever want there to be secrets between us anymore. When you wake up I will make this vow to you again. I need to make sure that you can hear me, hear it. I promise you Charles Bartowski that I will never lie to you again. I promise to tell you any and everything that I can about who I am now...and who I used to be. I promise that I will do everything humanly possible to make sure you wake up, because I cannot live without you. The thought of having to live the rest of my life without my Chuck makes me feel like that is not a life that is worth living...I love you Chuck. Please wake up soon."

Wiping her hand across her cheeks, she stood up and kissed his forehead before resting her cheek against his.

* * *

Standing just outside Ellie's apartment Sarah could hear her heartbeat pick up. She knew that her blood pressure was probably through the roof. Even if Devon said that Ellie didn't blame her, she could still only picture Ellie slamming the door in her face, and Sarah wouldn't blame her if she did.

"You going to stand out here all night?"

Sarah hadn't even noticed that the door had opened and that Devon was standing in front of her. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm going to step out. Hang out with Morgan and Casey for a bit. Let you ladies talk. If you need me don't hesitate to call."

He nodded once at Sarah before stepping beside her and walking across the courtyard toward his old apartment. The one that Morgan and herself shared with Chuck. Using her deep breathing exercises she inhaled and exhaled a couple of times before entering the apartment.

"Oh thank god."

Ellie had been crying, or was crying. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. She flew up from the couch and threw her arms around Sarah and hugged her tightly.

"Do you understand how worried I've been about you?"

"No."

"I saw what happened to Chuck after Jill broke up with him. He just fell apart. I couldn't stand for that to happen to you. I know this is a much different situation, but Casey told me that your not so great with feelings...Not his exact words. I actually think he mumbled something about lady feelings...then he kind of looked uncomfortable. He even grunted."

"That's just Casey. He likes to pretend he doesn't have feelings...I have them...I'm just usually much better at hiding them."

"So I've been told...but why? Loving another person, especially someone that loves you back with as much intensity is the best gift that you could ever receive."

"It's kind of the unwritten spy rule...kind of like a cardinal rule. Spies don't fall in love. Feelings get you killed in this line of work. I've been real good at shying away from the feelings department, but Chuck. It is impossible to not feel around him. I've loved your brother for a very long time and I feel selfish for hiding it from him for so long. I just thought it was best for both of us. When I first got here my job was to protect him...I wasn't sure that I could be efficient at my job if I felt anything for him. So I just shoved the feelings down...and everyday he would do something...anything really...and the feelings would come bubbling right back up. Finally I just gave up...I guess I shouldn't have. I mean maybe if he didn't know how I felt he wouldn't have felt quite so compelled to save me...maybe he wouldn't be..."

Sarah couldn't finish her sentence. The tears that had welled up in her eyes had started to fall. She had never cried so much in her entire life as she was right now.

"Don't do that. Do not blame yourself. No one else does. He would have went into that store to save you if he knew you loved him or not. That wouldn't have mattered, because he _**loved**_ you. He would have done anything to make sure you came out of that store alive. If I blame anyone...it's Bryce Larkin. Chuck said that he was the one that sent him that damn thing in the first place..." she paused, her head shaking. "I hate to say it, but it's Chuck's fault too. He downloaded it again after our father got it out of his head the first time... He can't die Sarah...I mean I have Devon, but the rest of my family is either gone by choice or is dead. I can't lose him too."

"I can't lose him either...I lost my mother when I was a young girl. It broke my heart, but it broke my father's worse. It's the reason he became...what he is."

"What is he?"

"A con-man. I watched him get arrested when I was sixteen. I had no mother...and I watched my father get taken away. That was when I got recruited by the CIA. I never intended to put myself in a position to ever feel that way again..."

Her head hung, as Ellie put a hand on her shoulder.

"Then you met Chuck."

Sarah raised her head, a small sad smile on her face. "Then I met Chuck."


	5. Nightmare

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating school's been hectic, and I've been trying to decide where I want to take this story. I have two choices that I'm choosing from, and I'm having a hard time deciding. **

**Once again, I want to thank my awesome beta reader Bad Shot for being so amazing and fast with beta'ing my chapters! Chapter six is written, and I'm deciding on what to write for chapter seven.**

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Chapter Five: Nightmares

Ellie woke the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee. She sat upright, a yawn fighting it's way out. Standing up, she stretched her overly tense body. The sound of multiple bones cracking filled the air around her. She sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. It seemed as if she had aged ten years in only a few days from the stress.

"You look great babe."

"Yeah. Right."

She tried to fight off the smile that wanted to cross her lips. Even when she was nearing depressed, Devon could always bring a smile to her lips.

"I love you Sweetheart."

"Love you too."

She leaned in and gently kissed his lips, before pulling away.

"Is Sarah still asleep?"

"Out like a light."

"Good. She could use the sleep."

"I'm just glad that the two of you got a chance to talk."

"Me too. I knew she thought I blamed her. It breaks my heart Devon. She loves him so much, and she's had her heart broken so much."

"I know babe. Don't worry, we'll take care of her. Besides Chuck will wake up, I know it."

"Thanks for that. I needed it."

He pulled her into his arms and held her close.

"Me too." He whispered into her hair. "Me too."

* * *

"_Shaw please!"_

_Watching in horror as Chuck flew past her. His head hit the floor hard. His eyes closed, his face peaceful...too peaceful. _

"_He was weak Sarah. He was too weak for you. He had to die...had to die."_

_In the distance she could hear a heart monitor beep in a steady rhythm. Sarah stood up, and gasped as the Buy More transformed into a hospital. She was standing in front of an unmarked Intensive Care room. She tried to move forward, needing to get a better look. She needed to see who was hidden away in the room that she couldn't get to. _

"_He had to die."_

_Shaw's words were still echoing inside her mind, throwing off her concentration. She shut her eyes for a moment, trying to clear Shaw away from it once and for all. _

_When she opened her eyes she could hear voices echoing in both directions of the hallway. She looked one way, then the other but wasn't able to see anything. No one was close enough for her to hear their conversation. _

_Her attention went back to the room in front of her. She felt like someone that she cared about was inside that room, she just wasn't sure who. Panic enveloped her, and she felt like she did when her mother had died. _

_The steady beeping that came from inside the room slowly started to dissipate, until it was nothing but one long solid beep. Whoever was hidden away inside had just died...or at least flat-lined. She needed to get inside that room. Whoever was in there needed help, and obviously no one else was going to help them. _

_She tried to inch her body closer, but with each move toward the door, it seemed to get further and further out of her reach. Feeling like she just wanted to collapse to the floor and cry, she tried the only other thing she could think of. She got into position to run toward the door, but almost as if the mysterious room was giving in it's fight to keep the person hidden, the door opened._

_Sarah gasped loudly. General Beckman and John Casey walked out of the room. The General looked to have tears in her eyes, and Casey had his arm around her shoulders._

"_He died with honor Ma'am."_

"_That he did. Agent Bartowski will always be a hero. So brave."_

_This time Sarah couldn't, and didn't stop herself from collapsing to the floor. Her body felt numb and sore at the same time. She couldn't feel the sobs shaking themselves from her body, or feel the tears that cascaded down her cheeks, but she could feel the unmistakable feeling of a broken heart. A heart that was torn into a million pieces, never to be whole again._

_

* * *

_

Ellie poured herself a cup of steaming hot coffee, and added just a bit of sugar and milk. Pulling the cup to her lips, she took a test sip. Closing her eyes, she took in the taste of the perfect tasting coffee. Devon couldn't make a bad pot of coffee.

She sat her cup at the kitchen table, and picked up the newspaper. Glancing over the headlines on the front page, she sighed and sat it down. She used to enjoy reading the paper, but now it only made her think of the bad things in life, and right now the bad things were keeping her only brother in a coma in the hospital.

Her head jerked up when she heard a muffled whimper come from the couch. Sarah had told her that she'd sleep on the couch if she insisted that she stay there. That the thought of sleeping in a bed alone would make it harder for her to sleep than squishing herself up on the couch.

She walked slowly toward the couch, as the noises got slightly louder. The whimpers turned into groans of frustration. It wasn't until Ellie was walking around to the front of the couch that Sarah sat bolt upright. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and a scream so loud that it felt like it had pierced Ellie's ear drum sounded from Sarah's lungs.

"Hey...you're okay. Sarah, honey, look at me. You're okay."

"No...I'm not."

Her breathing was erratic, and her eyes were scanning the room like she was waiting for it to transform into something straight from hell.

* * *

_How could he be dead? How could she not remember? Hell she didn't even know how she even got to the hospital. The last thing she remembered was Shaw...and the Buy More...and Chuck. Her hand flew over her mouth to stop the scream._

Flying upright, the dream...no the nightmare became reality way too fast. She didn't realize that the piercing scream that was shaking her insides, was actually coming from her. She felt like her dream-self. Numb but in pain. So much pain...mainly in her heart. Her lungs hurt too, but she figured it was from oxygen-deprivation from the screaming.

"Hey...you're okay. Sarah, honey, look at me. You're okay."

Sarah looked at Ellie. She only just realized that tears were falling from her eyes in record time, but she didn't care. The words that Ellie spoke just rattled around in her mind. She wasn't okay, and she wouldn't be okay again until Chuck woke up.

"No...I'm not."

Ellie reached forward, her arms enveloping Sarah in a hug. She pulled her close, and rubbed soothing circles on her back. It sometimes shocked her that she had such a motherly instinct, growing up without one for so long. Then again, she did practically raise Chuck on her own. That's when she remembered that this is what she used to do for Chuck when he'd have nightmares.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No. I'm fine. Just...it's nothing."

Sarah wiped the tears from her eyes, and finally got her breathing under control. She looked at Ellie and forced a smile.

"Not so good with emotions. Sorry."

Ellie nodded in acknowledgment. It wasn't what Sarah was leaving out that really struck a cord with her though. It wasn't the fact that Sarah had issues with emotions and feeling things, good or bad. It was the fact that bottling up her emotions like she was doing was going to cause her problems later on down the road, if not a complete mental shut-down.

"Sarah. Please know that if you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me. We're going through the same thing. We're feeling the same emotions. You don't have to go through this alone."

"Thank you Ellie. That...means a lot. I should get to Castle though. Talk with Casey."

"Okay. Are you going to be staying here again tonight?"

"I really don't want to impose."

"You're not imposing, Sarah, we offered you the guest bedroom. If you want to crash on the couch though, that's fine too. I'd just rather you didn't stay alone."

"If it helps you, then I'll stay here."

"Good..."

Sarah examined Ellie's face for a moment. "What are you not asking?"

Ellie chuckled lightly. Like she could get something past a trained CIA Agent. "Are you going to go see Chuck today?"

"I'm going to try to. It just hurts to see him like that."

"I know...but I also know that it probably means the world when his friends and **family** visit with him."

Sarah caught the extra emphasis that Ellie put on family. Even though she loved Chuck with every ounce of her being, and that he felt the exact same way, could she really think that he thought of her as family? Maybe one day, later on down the road...but now?

"I'll try. It's the most I can promise."

Sarah knew that she had to talk to Ellie about what Doctor Dreyfus had said, but that would mean that she'd have to admit that she let the good doctor psychoanalyze her, and that wasn't something that she was ready to admit to.


	6. Acceptance

**Again, thanks to my awesome beta! I do have chapter 7 written, and it's already been beta read, but I like to keep one chapter ahead. With the holiday's coming up, and finals (please let me pass!), I may not be able to update for a week or two. Apologies ahead of time.**

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Chapter Six: Acceptance

Ellie sat beside Chuck's bedside. His vitals still much the same as they had been for the past few days. Unchanging vitals wasn't necessarily a good sign, but at least they weren't getting worse.

She grabbed a hold of his hand, and held it tightly between hers, as a few tears slipped down her cheek. The events of the morning were still too fresh in her mind, and she feared that she was not only losing her brother to some sort of mental computer that was basically frying his brain, but that she was losing Sarah as well, a fact that she couldn't bear to think about. She had already lost so much in her life, from her mother leaving, not only her, but her brother and father as well. Then of course she lost her father more times that she really bared to recall, until she lost him for good. Now with Chuck's coma, and Sarah's unwillingness to talk to anyone about anything that has happened.

She leaned forward until she was as close to his ear as she could get, she started to whisper to him, almost like she was telling him a secret, something only for him to hear, "Chuck, we need you to wake up. I need you, Morgan needs you...and Sarah really needs you. She's a mess Chuck. It's breaking her heart, and she blames herself. She thinks that if she didn't love you...that if she hadn't told you that she loves you that you wouldn't be here. It feels like no matter what I say, and how much she pretends to agree with it...It's not changing anything. She still puts the full blame on herself..."

Ellie sighed, and took a breath. Using one of her hands, she wiped away a few tears.

"She wouldn't talk to me Chuck...she was afraid that I blamed her. How could I blame the person that makes you so happy? Please Chuck. You need to wake up. It's getting harder and harder to keep up this false pretense that I'm strong. I am not this strong, I've never been this strong. To watch my father get killed, and nearly lose my brother all in the same day...it hurts me, and I don't want to cry because I need to be strong. Morgan is just...lost without you. He hardly leaves the apartment. He hasn't been to work since the incident. Devon is trying so hard to be strong for me. To let me feel like I can be a little less strong for just a little while, but I try to be strong for him too. If I let myself fall apart I won't be able to put the pieces back together."

Closing her eyes, Ellie sat back against the chair, and held Chuck's hand, and let the tears fall freely. It was the first real time she had let her emotions show, since the night he had been brought into the emergency room.

* * *

"Sarah."

Casey's rough voice startled Sarah, as he entered the room from behind her. She turned in her chair to face him. The general had placed both of them on a leave of absence until further notice, which when translated, meant that they weren't in any physical or mental condition to work. She knew that her mind was on nothing but Chuck, practically twenty-four seven, but she honestly was surprised that Casey seemed to be so shook up by Chuck's coma.

"That's really starting to creep me out Casey."

"Yeah…me too…Walker."

"Thanks. I heard you talked to Ellie about me and my feelings."

Casey grunted, and started to pace. "Yeah. You've been kind of a bag of lady feelings since the whole…Shaw thing. Figured another lady could help you through all that…stuff. Look can we talk about something else…anything else really?"

"Have you heard anything about Chuck?"

"As far as I know he's the same. Doctor Dreyfus called in earlier, said that he'd like all of Chuck's friends and family to gather in his room right before visiting hours are over. Said that he wants to talk to everyone at once."

"I'm not sure that's a good thing. What if they found something?"

"Let's not let our lady feelings get the best of us Walker. Just wait and see."

Sarah sighed, and shook her head. "You've been to see him?"

"A couple of times. I mean, Bartowski's always seemed kind of weak, pathetic and helpless, but seeing him in that bed just really brings the last three years into intense focus. He never was anything less than heroic."

"It must be really painful for you to have to say that."

"You have no idea," Casey offered her a small grimace of a smile, before patting her back softly. "At least that useless waste of space, Shaw is behind bars where he's supposed to be. Too bad Grimes didn't kill his pathetic, traitorous ass."

"Couldn't agree with you more."

Sarah smiled softly back, even if only for a second, before Casey left her alone. The peaceful silence that followed was almost too much.

* * *

"Hey bro. Listen up man. I'm trying my damnedest here, but I'm only one man. I maybe full of awesome, but only so much awesome will fix this screwed up situation. Ellie is a mess, even if she tries like hell to hide it. She hates that she can't fix you, and I hate seeing her beating herself up like that. She's so worried about Sarah, who continuously refuses to talk to anyone about what happened. Ellie told me she's suffering from nightmares, but won't talk about those either."

Devon paused, and put his head in his hands. Devon had never been a crier, it just wasn't who he was. That's why he threw himself into his work so much. Nothing fixed the need to cry, then to get yourself elbow deep into someone else's insides. Surgery was something that kept him calm, and focused. Today was only the second day of his paid leave of absence. Was it his choice to take a leave of absence? Not at all, but he didn't exactly have a choice after he froze mid-surgery.

"Morgan is completely lost without you. He just sits in your apartment, all day, every day, staring into space. Occasionally he'll cry, but mostly he just stares. I think Casey's been staying with him since the whole…incident…and normally I wouldn't admit this, but I'm a wreck too Chuckster. I don't think any of us realized that it was you that held us all together. It's like none of us know what to do without you there. I mean, who am I going to go to when Ellie gets pissed at me? Who is Morgan going to play Halo with for hours on end? Who is Sarah going to love again? I mean, I know she's like this locked up treasure chest of feelings, but I know that she loves you, and I know that the whole love thing is new to her. We need you Chuck, all of us. Even Casey's been unusually nice…and helpful. It's kind of scary actually, like I entered a really not awesome version of the Twilight Zone, and the only way to get back to normal is for you to wake up. So please Chuck, if you can hear me, just wake up."

* * *

Sarah walked in slowly. She had passed Devon in the hallway, his eyes were red-rimmed and she knew he had been crying. The thought brought tears to her already swollen eyes. Taking a deep breath, and trying to slow her racing heart, Sarah sat down and took Chuck's hand in hers.

"Hey…" Sarah forced a smile, but immediately felt it fall off her face. It felt false, because it was. She had nothing to smile about right now. Everything she cared about was lying lifeless in a hospital bed. He was her whole reason to live right now, and he was barely hanging onto his own life. Sarah was the type of person who wanted to feel in control of her own life, and since she'd met Chuck she hadn't felt that way. Part of her thought that maybe that was one of the many deep-rooted reasons why she tried to fight her feelings for Chuck so strongly. It wasn't until she gave up that fight that she realized that not always being in control of your own life wasn't necessarily a bad thing, if you had someone there with you that not only loved you, but was also not in control of their life. Right now, she felt like her life was spinning out of control into a black abyss, and there was nothing she could do to stop or even try to control it. That power stood solely with Chuck.

"Sweetheart, I need you to wake up. I need you to open those beautiful eyes of yours, and I need you to be…well you. My life is nothing, just a big blank, black hole, without you, and I just need you…I want you to wake up so badly. The nightmares are getting worse, and now that I'm staying at your sister's place. I'm just afraid that I'm a burden that she doesn't need. Casey doesn't even know how to act, or react around me. He's not being himself, and it's really kind of creepy…"

Sarah sighed, nothing she was felt real. It wasn't that it was fake, that she was feeding him a bunch of BS to get him to wake up. Everything she had said was real, but it just wasn't deep enough. It wasn't what Chuck deserved.

"I promised you that I'd start sharing my past with you, so here goes. I don't deal with loss, or losing people well because I lost my mother when I was a little girl. Her name was Jennifer, and she was…as well as I can remember, amazing. Everything that I envision a mother should be. She left the house one afternoon to go to the store to get milk, and never came back. I blocked most of that day and a few days afterward from my mind, but some guy was trying to avoid hitting a dog that ran out in front of him, and he slammed into her car head-on. She was DOA…I mean there was nothing they could do for her, but all I really remember from being at the hospital was screaming for them to fix her…"

Sarah paused, and wiped a few new tears from her eyes, before squeezing Chuck's hand a little tighter.

"After that, my dad got really distant, he'd come home really late at night. He'd reek of booze and cigarettes. A couple years later, on my tenth birthday, we picked up and moved elsewhere. It was then that I found out what losing my mother meant to my dad. I found out what he had been doing, and I saw how easy it was for him to just shove his emotions aside. I offered to help him con people. How awful of a person does that make me? That I'd offer to rip people off just so I wouldn't have to feel anymore. It wasn't until I was about twelve or thirteen that I saw up close and personal, that what we were doing was wrong. I realized that it wasn't so much that I couldn't feel, but that I had chosen not to feel…Then I watched the only family I had left get taken away, and all the feelings that I so desperately didn't want to feel came flooding back in that one swift instant. Then I met Graham, and he promised me so many things…"

Shaking her head, she smiled softly, "I decided not to feel anything, at all, ever again. That's why my so-called relationship with Bryce didn't last. You can't communicate properly if you don't allow yourself to feel…and I didn't, at least until I met you. It is nearly impossible to not feel something around you. Whether it's happiness, joy, excitement, or love. It's going to be something, and it's going to be there forever."

Slowly, Sarah pulled Chuck's hand up to her lips and kissed it softly, before setting it back down on his chest. She dug around in her pocket for a moment until she found what she was looking for. She pulled it from her pocket, and held it carefully in her hands.

"Chuck, your father wanted you to have this."

She held his arm up with one hand, as she slipped the watch on with the other. "Hopefully it will fix you…if nothing else will."


	7. Fear

**A/N: So sorry for how long it took to post this. I had a mix up with my beta, and accidentally forgot to send him the new chapter. Special shout out thanks to Bad Shot for being such an absolutely amazing beta! Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. **

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Chapter Seven: Fear

"What do think he's going to say?"

Morgan leaned slightly toward Devon, his beard much fuller than it was. It was obvious that he hadn't shaved in the almost week it had been since the incident. His eyes held an almost child-like fear in them. The only real, true friend that Morgan had ever had in his life was Chuck, and he was staring down the barrel of a life without his best friend.

"Hopefully that Chuck's doing better."

Yeah, hope, that's good. We should all keep hope in our hearts.

"Hope won't bring him back Morgan..."

"Casey!"

It was the first time Sarah had spoken since everyone had arrived. She had been as friendly as a person with a shattered heart could be. Ellie had hugged her tightly, and Sarah had to be the first to pull away from the embrace. Seeing the hurt in Ellie's eyes broke the already shattered pieces of Sarah's heart, but she couldn't help it. Devon had put a strong hand on her shoulder, and nodded in acknowledgment that she couldn't handle the closeness right now.

Morgan spent most of the time, until recently, shuffled off to the side of the room. Random sniffles came from his corner of the room, and it took everything in Sarah to not start crying again. Casey had only grunted his apologies and stood by the door, his arms crossed tightly in front of him. At any other time, the sight of a very uncomfortable Casey would make Sarah laugh, however this time she couldn't even force herself to smile at him.

"Is this everyone?"

Ellie gasped, and everyone turned their attention to the elder doctor standing just inside of Chuck's room. Casey had shifted his uncomfortable position slightly to give the doctor just a little extra room. Doctor Dreyfus looked down at Chuck's chart, and shook his head slightly.

"How is he?"

"I wish I had good news for you. I wish that I knew of a definitive way to get Agent Bartowski to wake up, however, this is a new science. I spoke with Chuck about this for a bit when he came to me for his last visit. I explained to him that the intersect puts lot of pressure on a person's mind. I knew that there was a chance that something, anything from dementia to insanity could occur, over the years. I didn't realize that it could happen so quickly. I haven't had a chance to study Chuck closely enough to know what can be done to release some of the pressure on Chuck's mind…"

"He was having some trouble with his flashes not too long before…He didn't specify what he meant, all he said was that the flashes were getting worse. He didn't lose consciousness until _Shaw_ hit him in the head with a pipe…"

Everyone had turned around to stare at Sarah. Most everyone looked shocked that she was actually speaking. Ellie just stood beside her with her arm around her, encouraging her to continue.

"It very likely could be that when he got hit in the head, it triggered a short-circuit of some sort in the intersect. That is definitely something that I need to look into…"

"Doctor…what's his prognosis?"

"Well, his attending doctor here, one Doctor Ripley, ran couple of different tests on Chuck. Two of those tests were a CT-Scan and an MRI. Both did show a slight change in Chuck's brain. Doctor Ripley believes that it could be delayed swelling on his brain, he will re-run those tests in a few days to see if the changes have stayed the same, or if they've gotten worse. If the changes have gotten worse, well we'll proceed from there. It could very well be that this delayed swelling has caused his coma…If it stays the same, then I will wait a few days to reexamine him…Agent Walker, you did place the device on his wrist, correct?

"Yes."

"Hopefully this device will help him, if it's the intersect, though if the contact that the pipe made with his head caused a short-circuit then we'll have to revise this plan. Either way, I'm sorry to inform you that one, Charles Irving Bartowski's brain function is starting to decrease. It's been a gradual decline since he's been here in the hospital, but still, any decline is not good. A brain wave test will be run on him again at the beginning of the week. I wish I had better news, I am sorry."

Without another word Doctor Dreyfus left the room of Chuck's family and friends alone to let his information sink in.

* * *

"I am sorry to hear that Colonel Casey. Thank you for the update on Agent Bartowski…how is Agent Walker doing?"

"I'd like to report that she's doing better General, but truth is, she's not. She won't talk to anyone about what's happened. Chuck's sister got her to talk once, for a short time, but she's just keeping it all bottled up and I think that her mental stability is starting to come into question. She's having nightmares ma'am."

"I see, and I can tell that you're worried not only about Agent Bartowski's current situation, but Agent Walker's well-being. Do you think she is dangerous…to herself?"

"No ma'am. I do think that she needs to talk to someone…or even just something. She needs to find her own way to let out the feelings that she's burying, it's not healthy."

"Would you possibly talk to her Colonel?"

"Is that an order General?"

"No Colonel, it is not."

"I would really rather not…I'm not particularly comfortable talking with people anyway…and Agent Walker makes me that much more uncomfortable…I could talk to Chuck's sister…"

"Will do Colonel. I trust your judgment."

"Thank you General."

* * *

Sarah sat with her legs crossed as the glare from the television kept her bloodshot, aching eyes opened. Fear consumed her entire being as she stared at the screen, even if she wasn't paying a shred of attention to what was being displayed. The overwhelming fear kept her awake, but it wasn't just the fear of what she'd see when she closed her eyes, it was a certain fear that Chuck might not ever wake up.

She was not a stupid woman, she knew what the doctor was saying as he spoke. His brain waves had declined, which meant that his situation was going from bad to worse. Unable to think of the undeniable potential for it getting even worse, she blinked her eyes that were begging for her to close them.

Ellie had practically begged her to get some sleep, and had even offered to give her a prescription for some sleeping aids. Sarah being the person she is, automatically declined her offer, even if that offer sounded almost like heaven right now.

"Still awake?"

Devon's voice made her jump, and she felt her heart start to accelerate. Panic filled every pore in her body, and tears streamed down her cheeks. She had always been a careful person, being a CIA Agent made one careful, but since Shaw had reappeared after everyone thought he had been dead, well to say it left her on edge would be an understatement. If the man could come back from death like that, then what would stop him from breaking out of his maximum security prison cell?

"Oh, geez, I'm sorry Sarah. I didn't mean to startle you. I wasn't thinking…Maybe I should go get Ellie?"

Devon could see her head shake slightly, trying to dismiss his offer, but her body shaking from the silent sobs that wracked through her mentally exhausted frame begged to differ.

He knew that she didn't like to have to rely on anyone else. She had finally allowed herself to rely on Chuck and look what happened. He knew that even if she didn't want to admit it, she was still blaming herself on some sort of level for what happened to Chuck, and it broke his heart to see someone so together fall apart in the way that Sarah had.

Then again he could emphasize with her. When Ellie had been hospitalized it had scared the hell out of him. The thought that he might never get to see her again, to ever wake up next to her, brought into reality what he had, and that he had been taking what they had for granted. Then again, Ellie had only been in the hospital for a couple of days, only one of those days did she spend unconscious. Chuck was working on a week, and unfortunately had been unconscious for all of them.

* * *

He smiled down at Ellie's still sleeping form. Part of him didn't want to wake her up, the peaceful ease of her face was calming for him, and it was the only time the past week that she even looked remotely happy. Then again, he knew that if he didn't wake her up, and she found out what he had done and that he didn't get her up to calm Sarah down, well he'd never hear the end of it. He sat down lightly on the edge of her side of the bed, and shook her slightly. She yawned lightly before her eyes flickered open.

"What's wrong?"

"I did something stupid…I'm sorry."

"What? Oh god, whose hurt?"

"Technically speaking…no one is hurt. I just startled the hell out of Sarah. She's really upset…I think she's crying."

"Oh, Geez Devon. Scare the hell out of someone who hasn't been sleeping."

Even in the dark he knew that she was rolling her eyes at him, he had heard that tone one too many times to not know what her facial expression looked like.

"Why don't you go warm up some tea, while I go sit with Sarah. Maybe some warm tea will help settle her down, and she'll actually get some sleep."

"Okay, that I think I can handle."

He smiled softly at her, before standing back up and making his way back into the kitchen.

Once Ellie made it into the living room and sat down beside Sarah, she could tell that she had stopped crying, even if she still had the 'deer-caught-in-the-headlights' look on her face.

"Devon's an idiot, please forgive him."

Sarah turned toward Ellie only slightly, and tried to force a smile upon her face. As soon as Ellie put her arm around Sarah's shoulders she knew that she had failed in even faking a smile. She had nothing to smile about, hell she didn't even feel like she had anything to live for right now. She was slowly but surely losing Chuck, Shaw had wanted to make sure of that. In that instant the pure hatred she felt for that man bubbled over and she suddenly wanted nothing more than to be the one to cause his death. To make sure that he was never able to hurt anyone else ever again.

"I forgive him. He didn't mean to."

"Please talk to me. Maybe if you let out some of those emotions that your storing up inside, you'll be able to sleep. You're only hurting yourself Sarah…and hurting yourself is not going to help Chuck. No matter what that doctor says, he still needs you. He still needs to know that he has people waiting for him to come back…that your waiting for him to come back."

"Maybe I deserve it…" her words were a mere whisper but Ellie caught them, and the look of utter shock that crossed her face made Sarah regret her words.

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that Sarah! I knew you were still blaming yourself…"

"That's because it is my fault! Shaw never would have gone after Chuck…he never would have felt the need to hurt him to hurt me if I hadn't killed his wife…"

"Wait a minute…you killed his wife?"

"It was my first red test…The CIA believed that she had switched sides, that she had gone rogue. My job was to take her out…At the time I didn't know that she was innocent, that she hadn't switched sides. As it turns out, she was just in deep cover…for her husband…Shaw found out, and he tried to kill me, but Chuck saved my life…now I can't even save his…"

"First of all, from what you just told me, you didn't do a thing wrong. You had no way of knowing that she was innocent, and even if I don't like the career choice that Chuck has chosen, from what he's told me I know that in this world, we need people like you and Casey. That you keep us, as a nation safe…"

Ellie paused, patting Sarah's shoulder, before turning toward her almost completely, making sure she had her full attention for what she was about to say.

"As far as saving Chuck goes, from what he's told me…he would have already been dead more times than he could count if it wasn't for you…and Casey. So, yes, maybe you can't save him from this…but you have saved him Sarah, and I'm not just talking about physically. If you could have known my brother before you came into his life…and compared him to the man he is now. You have done some much to change his life, to save him from a life of complete unhappiness, even if he wouldn't have admitted it to himself."

"He just…he always seemed like such a happy person, carefree almost."

"That's just the persona he put on for others, even for Morgan. Chuck is such a selfless person that he didn't want to hurt his best friend's feelings. He didn't want Morgan to know that he wasn't happy spending the rest of his life working at the Buy More, and playing video games every night. He was anything but happy, or even carefree. When he was in Stanford he had such big aspirations for himself, places he wanted to be by this time in his life, and the fact that he wasn't there, that he was wasting his life away at the Buy More broke his heart…and his spirit. Then you showed him that he was capable of doing anything. That he could make a difference…and even though it pains me because I had spent five years trying to convince him of this myself , you showed him that he was worthy of life, love, and happiness. So please, I'm begging you to stop blaming yourself for his current condition."

"All I can promise is that I'll try. I'm a creature of habit though, and I have a habit of blaming myself when missions go wrong, and since I can't think of the whole…Shaw incident as anything else…I can't help but blame myself."

"Tea's ready," Devon softly said to the two women from the doorway before quickly leaving.

"I had Devon make you some warm tea. Hopefully our talk and the tea will help you sleep. I am only a hallway away though Sarah, no matter if I'm in a dead sleep, if you feel like talking, or if you just need a shoulder to cry on, please don't hesitate to come get me. I will gladly sit up the rest of the night with you if you want."

"No. That won't be necessary, but I will have some of that tea, it sounds…" Sarah paused for a moment, and for a second a real actual smile crossed her lips. "Awesome."


	8. Awakening

**A/N: First off wanna throw a shout-out to my beta cuz he does an awesome job! Now, this chapter is second to the last. What's that? It's ending? Yes. The final chapter has been written, and beta read, so it too will be up shortly. I wanna thank all of you that have stuck with this story since the beginning. you guys are awesome! Also, this chapter might be a little confusing, hopefully not too bad though. Please enjoy it! If you have any questions, you can either ask in a review for the chapter or message me directly, I'd be happy to answer your questions.**

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Chapter Eight: Awakening

Chuck groaned loudly, and turned toward his alarm clock. Noting the time, he realized that it wasn't his alarm clock that had woken him. It was only then that he smelt the undeniable smell of smoke. Something was on fire. He patted the spot next to him that should have been occupied by Sarah, it was empty and cold. She had been up for a while from the feel of the sheet.

Without a second thought he jumped up, and followed the thin sheen of smoke that was rolling in from the kitchen. As he got closer he heard random obscenities coming from the same direction as the smoke. When he came to the edge of the hallway, and peered around the corner, it took everything in him to not bust out laughing.

Sarah had a look that would put absolute terror into anyone but him. Fury was written into her eyes, as she slammed a baking sheet onto the counter.

"Can't believe I burnt another batch!"

"Honey. You're cooking?"

"Trying. Keyword Chuck. Trying."

"Is this the only thing that the agency didn't train you in?"

"Chuck..."

She sighed as she turned around and took in what he was wearing...or what he wasn't wearing. Chuckling, she gave in and walked toward him. Her arms wrapped around his waist.

"Is there a reason that you decided to not put on any clothes? Do you like running around in your boxers during the winter time?"

Chuckling to himself, he kissed the top of her head.

"Absolutely. Why, is it turning you on?"

"Maybe."

Her voice was a little huskier than before, as she placed a kiss on his bare chest.

"Mmmmm. Perhaps I should finish cooking our breakfast first? You know for energy reasons."

"Are you saying that I can't finish it?"

This time he barked a laugh that shook them both, before pulling back from her embrace in case she felt the need to smack him for his next words.

"You can try honey. Though I would like to eat sometime today...or better yet. This year."

"Fine. You cook then. Teach me oh mighty master."

Chuck grinned at her before walking past her. He stood over the stove to take inventory of what it was she had been attempting to make. He saw what appeared to be severely burnt pancakes sitting in a plate. The pan that they had come out of looked to be nearly as charred black as they were. Beside the pancakes were what appeared to be several hard and charred pieces of bacon, and what could only be explained as a hard boiled egg, though he was certain that she hadn't tried to "fry" a hard boiled egg.

"Uhmmm. What is it you were making? I mean, I'm nearly certain this is pancakes, and that's bacon, but I am absolutely lost on what this is."

"Eggs, over medium. Like you like them."

"Oh honey. This isn't over medium this is...I don't even know what to call it."

He looked up as saw her pouting slightly.

"It was a...good try?"

"When you're trying to console someone. It helps if you sound convincing."

"It was a fantastic try!"

"Too convincing."

Chuck smiled softly, before turning back toward the mess in front of him.

"How about this. I'll try to salvage us up some food. You go turn off that annoying noise before it wakes up the entire neighborhood."

"I think I can handle that."

* * *

Chuck put his hands behind his head. It was a rare occasion day off. General Beckman must have been in a good mood. That or the bad guys decided that him and Sarah deserved a day off, to spend together, alone.

Looking down, he took in Sarah's sleeping form. Her head rested on his chest. Her breathing was smooth and calm. He knew she was sleeping, and he wondered what she was dreaming about. Lately he couldn't help but dream of his life with her. Later on down the road. After they had gotten married. In fact, his latest dream included a very pregnant Sarah. It bothered him a little how much he wished that his dream was reality. That him and Sarah were married, and that they were expecting their first child. Even if it wasn't something that he necessarily saw for himself before now.

He continuously found himself wondering that if he did propose to her, if she'd say yes, and if she did say yes, if it would be because she didn't want to lose him and not because it was necessarily what she wanted.

Thoughts like this generally got him down, mainly because he couldn't talk to anyone about it. If he talked to Morgan about it, well then Sarah would know what he secretly wanted. He couldn't tell Ellie about it because she wouldn't understand why Sarah would be so opposed to getting married, and it wasn't exactly something he could explain. Not without the truth involved.

"Where's your head at?"

He looked down and saw her blazing blue eyes peering back into his. His heart automatically skipped a beat, the way it often did when she looked at him in a way that was special, just for him.

"Just thinking."

"What about?"

"Future things."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What future things..."

She paused when her phone buzzed loudly. The noise that was reserved only for General Beckman had interrupted their discussion. It was the perfect opportunity for them to talk, and it was over as she spoke slowly into her cell phone, before hanging up.

"General Beckman wants to talk to me for a bit. I'll be back as soon as I can. We can finish our talk then."

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He smiled at her, as he rested his head back down on his pillow.

* * *

"_Chuck, we need you to wake up. I need you, Morgan needs you...and Sarah really needs you. She's a mess Chuck. It's breaking her heart, and she blames herself. She thinks that if she didn't love you...that if she hadn't told you that she loves you that you wouldn't be here. It feels like no matter what I say, and how much she pretends to agree with it...It's not changing anything. She still puts the full blame on herself..."_

Chuck tossed and turned as he heard his sister pleading with him to wake up. He hadn't realized that he had fallen asleep, but he couldn't make himself wake up. He tried everything to force his eyes open, but nothing happens. He's confused by her words. Sarah blaming herself? Blaming herself for what. He just wanted to wake up so he could ask her what was going on.

Just as quickly as her words broke into his subconscious they were gone. He could feel a warmth on his hand, but that warmth had disappeared too. Was he dreaming that vividly?

After what seemed to be only a few seconds, he felt more warmth on his hand, and listened as more words broke into his subconscious.

"_Hey bro. Listen up man. I'm trying my damnedest here, but I'm only one man. I maybe full of awesome, but only so much awesome will fix this screwed up situation. Ellie is a mess, even if she tries like hell to hide it. She hates that she can't fix you, and I hate seeing her beating herself up like that. She's so worried about Sarah, who continuously refuses to talk to anyone about what happened. Ellie told me she's suffering from nightmares, but won't talk about those either."_

He wanted nothing more than to scream that he was awake. That he could hear them. "I'm awake." he wanted to say, and yet nothing happened when he tried to open his mouth. Just like nothing had happened when he had tried to open his eyes.

Again, as quickly as the warmth and words broke into his subconscious, they were gone. Devon had left him just as Ellie had. What was going on, what had happened, and why couldn't he open his damned eyes!

This time he concentrated with everything in him, and he heard the slightly noise of shoes squeaking against the floor. He heard the creak of the chair that obviously beside him. Then he felt more warmth on his hand. This warmth was beyond familiar. It was Sarah.

"_Sweetheart, I need you to wake up. I need you to open those beautiful eyes of yours, and I need you to be…well you. My life is nothing, just a big blank, black hole, without you, and I just need you…I want you to wake up so badly. The nightmares are getting worse, and now that I'm staying at your sister's place. I'm just afraid that I'm a burden that she doesn't need. Casey doesn't even know how to act, or react around me. He's not being himself, and it's really kind of creepy…"_

He tried with everything inside of him to keep listening to her. To just wake up. At least listen for some sort of clue as to what have happened to him. He felt her warmth leave his hand and he felt like crying. He was stuck in some sort of purgatory in which he had to listen to his family plead with him to wake up, and yet he would remain unable to.

"_Chuck, your father wanted you to have this."_

He felt the warmth of her hand on his arm. The warmth was replaced with a cool feeling. Almost like steel.

"_Hopefully it will fix you…if nothing else will."_

His father wanted him to have something, that would fix him? Suddenly it dawned on him. Something had happened to him because his father was unable to give him his own governor fast enough? No that didn't seem right. It felt like he should know what happened, but something was stopping his from remembering what exactly it was. He wanted to groan and gripe. He hated not being able to remember things.

* * *

Being stuck in his own mind was beginning to wear him down. He had heard bits and pieces of what the doctor had said. That his brain activity was declining, but how was that when he could hear everyone. That he could feel them when they touched his hand. He was there, why couldn't he just wake up already.

Thanks to Sarah, he had started to piece together what had happened. He heard the name Shaw uttered a few times. Slowly he remembered their epic battle in the Buy More, as he fought for his family's freedom from the psychotic Daniel Shaw. He just couldn't remember what happened during that fight that had caused him to be stuck in his own mind.

He had tried to be as hyper-aware as he could be, but it was becoming harder. It seemed that the longer he was aware of his surroundings the weaker he became. He hadn't heard the door open, or the footsteps creep toward him. It wasn't until he felt the warmth on his hand that he realized that Sarah was visiting him again.

'Please wake up. Please open your eyes.' it was a chant that he had started chanting to himself whenever anyone came to visit him. Slowly he felt as he became weaker and weaker. Was he dying? Was he slipping into a permanent state of unawareness?

Lights, bright lights were blinding him and he was certain that he was making his way toward the light that would lead into the pearly gates. The lights started to dim slightly, and felt as his body started to respond to his commands. Slowly his head turned toward the direction that he assumed that Sarah was in. His eyes met hers, and he saw as tears slid down her cheeks, before she yelled for help.


	9. Coming To Terms

**This has been a fun, yet depressing story to write. I really hope that all of you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I want to thank you all for the kind reviews, they're what kept me going, and they really do make me want to write more and more. **

**I want to thank my beta reader for being absolutely awesome! Always so quick to get the chapters back to me. **

**I also want to say that, while I will continue to update Who Let The Rain In?, I am also going on a FF writing hiatus for a bit. I'm severely swamped with school this semester, and I also want to really try to write on a novel that I tried to start a couple of times, a couple of years ago. I won't be gone for too long though, I'll probably have more time to write over the summer when I don't have classes and homework to worry about. Until then.**

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Chapter Nine: Coming To Terms

Sarah edged herself into Chuck's room. Her head down, as she walked slowly toward the empty seat. Since her last talk with Ellie, she had been to see Chuck on a daily basis. That was a week ago, and two weeks since the incident. The doctors were starting to give up hope that he might wake up, but not Sarah. Not since her attitude turnaround. She had faith that Chuck would wake up, that he'd come back to them. It would just be a matter of time.

Sitting down, she took his hand into hers. As she always did, she rubbed her thumb against his hand for the first few minutes, trying to compose herself, and gather her thoughts. She was running out of stories to tell Chuck, and nothing new was really going on that she could bring him up to speed on.

Her stories lately had consisted of things she had promised him, her past. Like how after she started to help her father, that she would be injured on a bi-weekly basis. That she still had some issues with her left wrist working correctly, due to a compound fracture when she was fourteen. That she had broken, and re-broken her collarbone numerous times, and that it would ache sometimes.

Mostly she told him about how even after everything her father had done. Good things and bad, that she still loved him, because after all he was her father. Even if he did constantly let her down.

Sighing, she pulled his hand to her lips and kissed it softly. She had decided what to talk about. It was something that had been on her mind for the past couple of days, and secretly she hoped that what she was about to say would wake him up.

"Chuck, I love you. It's probably not a statement that I have to make again, but it just...feels so good to say. Since that first time I said it to you, it's like a second nature, and I just need you to know that I do love you. I've loved you for so long and it was so wrong of me to keep it from you for so long. Lately there has been something on my mind. I've been thinking about it so much that I haven't been able to sleep. I need you to know that I'll wait as long as I need to for you. I will be here day in and day out waiting for you to wake up. My heart belongs to you, always. I also need you to know that I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to be yours forever, and I know that all of this is very cheesy, but if you were awake I know that you would have a big cheesy grin on your face..."

Sarah squeezed his hand just a little harder before continuing.

"That you'd take me into your arms and kiss me so hard that my world would spin so fast. That I'd be so dizzy that I wouldn't be able to see straight, and I'd be so happy that I'd cry. It'd break your heart, and I'd have to explain that they were happy tears..."

Stopping abruptly, Sarah swiped away the tears that were cascading down her cheeks. What she didn't' say was that these were the new dreams that she was having. They were married, they had children, they were a family. She was beyond happy, and it was all because of the man laying in front of her.

Sarah gasped for a moment, just for a moment she thought she saw his eyes move. Just as quickly as she saw the movement though, it had stopped. He wasn't waking up, it was just random muscle movement. Muscle spasms, the doctor informed her, were to be expected.

"Please Chuck...please wake up. I'm not asking, I'm begging. I need you. You make me who I am. Without you I'm just a cold, ruthless spy. I don't want to be like that ever again Chuck. So please wake up."

Her eyes were shut in a vice grip to try and keep the tears from falling again. She felt what had been a limp hand squeeze back only slightly, her eyes flew open and in that instant she saw the most beautiful sight. Chuck's beautiful hazel eyes were staring back into hers. He was awake. After a moment she got her voice back and yelled for help.

* * *

Chuck watched the door, hoping to see Sarah walk back through. The doctor had been poking and prodding at him for what felt like hours. The number of needles that entered his arm alarmed him. The fact that he had been unconscious for days...or longer didn't bother him as badly as the fact that six needles were poked into his arms.

A smile crossed his face as the door slowly slid open. The first face he saw was Sarah, slowly followed by the rest of the gang. The rest of his family. Yes, that's exactly who each of them were too him, besides his actual sister and brother in law.

"You gave us quite a scare Bartowski."

Chuck laughed lightly, the slight twinge of pain in his head was worth the joy he felt in that instant. The doctor was surprised that he had woke up at all, let alone as 'quickly' as he had.

"What happened?"

"Chuck...that's something that can wait. Let's just focus on getting you better and back home."

Home. That was the only word that he heard from Sarah. He wanted to go _home_. He wanted to have a gaming marathon with Morgan, and spend all day in bed with Sarah. He wanted to talk about stupid childhood stories with Ellie. He needed Awesome to be...well Awesome. He just wanted things to be normal, and yet he knew normal was just out of grasp. At least what used to be normal for him.

Ellie knew about his secret life, and the fact that he apparently almost died probably ruined any chances of him talking her into letting him continue his spy life. Was this something that Sarah could live with? He assumed so considering that she hadn't left him at his most vulnerable.

"We're just so glad that you woke up. Chuck you had us all worried! You nearly broke Morgan's heart..."

Ellie let her sentence hang, and it was what she didn't say that bothered Chuck the most. He had broken Sarah's already fragile heart. She had thought that he was lost somewhere in his own mind, and that he wasn't going to come back, but yet she was still here. If he had broken her heart, wouldn't she have left? At least that's what she would have done in the past. He'd seen it happen before. She didn't take to heart break well. In fact most times she didn't even admit it.

"Can I say something?"

His voice was still raspy from the breathing tube, and he was certain that Morgan and Casey were having a hard time hearing him.

"Of course."

"Morgan."

At the sound of his name, Morgan took a couple steps forward. His hand grazing the edge of Chuck's bed. The look on his face broke Chuck's heart. Chuck had always been the glue that held Morgan together. His own childhood not much better than Chuck's. He too grew up fatherless. After becoming friends with Chuck it was like Morgan had felt like he found another part of himself.

"I can't wait to get out of here. We're gonna have the most kick ass gaming marathon. I promise."

Morgan just shook his head, a small sad smile crossed his lips.

"You got it buddy."

"Casey."

Casey patted Morgan on the shoulder on his way toward Chuck's bedside.

"What is it Bartowski?"

It was a sentence that John Casey had muttered to him numerous times, though this time it was without the usual malice. While it felt nice to have Casey being nice to him, it also creeped him out.

"I just want to thank you for always having my back..."

"Yeah, I catch you when you fall. It's all so touching."

Casey smiled at Chuck, before patting his shoulder. "Just glad you came back to us."

Chuck shook his head, before continuing.

"Devon."

His hands were placed lovingly on Ellie's shoulders, as he offered Chuck a smile.

"Thanks for always being Awesome, and thank you for taking care of my sister when I couldn't. It means a lot."

"Always Chuck. We're bros man."

"Yeah, bros."

Chuck smiled back at Devon, before letting his eyes wonder to his sister.

"El. Thanks for being the glue that held everyone together when I know all you wanted to do was fall apart. Most of all, thank you for taking care of Sarah."

Ellie smiled softly, before placing a caring hand on Sarah's shoulder.

"Now...I really hate to do this, but can I please have a minute alone with Sarah?"

With a few muttered of course's, and a grunt from Casey, Chuck's family departed the room, as he grabbed a hold of Sarah's hand.

"Thank you."

"For what Chuck? All of this is my fault. This entire thing …."

"Don't do that. Don't sell yourself short, and do not blame yourself. I did what I did because I love you. I never would have just sat idly by while Shaw blew you, Morgan, and himself up. Never. You mean the world to me Sarah..."

He sighed for a moment, the dull ache turning into a full-fledged headache. He knew that his heart rate was raising. He knew he didn't have much time before the nurse would come in to administer more pain medicine.

"I got side-tracked. Thank you for being you. I know this hasn't been easy on you. I know this has hurt you so badly. Yet you were here day after day..."

"How do you know that?"

"Well, I'm not a hundred percent sure about the day after day thing, but I know you were here a lot. I could hear you, feel you. You brought me back Sarah. It was you. It's always been you."

Sarah swiped at the tears in her eyes, before leaning forward and kissing Chuck's lips. "and it's always been you too Chuck."


End file.
